This degree of all-encompassing positivity is wonderful and very empowering, as long as you’re a woman.
However, it left me wondering what aspects of being a man are still touted as positive. Indeed, how does one actually define what it means to be a man in today’s society?
This is the topic explored in a group of essays, gathered in a book edited by Ian Brown, entitled What I Meant to Say. The preface of this book is not nearly as positive as Zeirler and Kreiger. Brown suggests that what was previously designated as man’s territory has been (rightly) dismantled and the playing field has been levelled with respect to gender.
Women are empowered and have found direction, drive and determination; however, today’s man lacks these signposts and support and, instead, runs the risk of wandering aimlessly or tiptoeing on politically correct eggshells, unsure which aspects of his being are attributes and which are shortcomings.
Are strength and aggression to be limited to sports and the opening of jars? or should these aspects just be deemed to be unsightly and therefore suppressed or ignored? Does this approach work? or will it result in unexpected explosions like the weak link in a pressure cooker?
Like myself, John B. Franklin loves being a father. He writes of his appreciation for the role, and he views it as a privilege – a connection forged at their birth that will never break. He and his wife, both psychotherapists, wrote Fatherbirth in which they describe the phenomenon that occurs when a father is truly present in the pregnancy and birth of his child.
This monumental life event can be the catalyst in the transition of a man to a new level of maturity. To help define what it means to be a man and a father, they proposed four functions or energies that they dubbed the Warrior, the Magician, the Lover and the King.
These attributes all function for the betterment of the man, his partner and their children, and Franklin & Franklin propose plans and exercises to help a man develop and direct these energies.
I found it refreshing to find a resource in literature that did not berate all that is male or that aimed to belittle or deny the existence of certain male tendencies, but that acknowledged and even celebrated certain male attributes. Proposing strategies to harness male energies certainly makes more sense than investing all resources into reacting to problems blamed on male attributes gone awry.
It often seems to me that society keeps creating programs that are like life jackets that we throw at victims in our society as they flail through turbulent, frigid waters. However, there is a huge lack of energy directed toward an upstream approach, investigating what is allowing people to fall off the banks in the first place.
Christine Hoff Sommers has written a few books and many publications that examine how our society has allowed a pendulum swing that has had a devastating effect on today’s young men. The achievement scores and dropout rates for the male secondary-school student, these days, are miserable. However, it remains almost taboo to talk about boys and men being oppressed or at least not fully supported.
The schools are certainly an area that need attention; however, without role models we are back to the question of what it means to be a man in the 21st century.
In another of my fathering resources (I have a few), Bolte, Devault, St-Denis and Gaudet point out that “until now, women have led the battles for parental leave, flexible work and service hours, higher-quality daycare services, keeping local schools open and the elimination of child poverty and violence against children.
Imagine, for a moment, if fathers decided to get involved in these struggles, bringing with them all the determination and know-how they currently employ in fields such as business, politics and the labour movement, to name a few” (p. 7).
If we all take the time to ponder what it means to be a man, we might find an area worth investing that could lead to improvements in areas far greater than one man’s self-esteem.

As a nurse, Sean Secord has worked in Emergency, Medevac, Public Health, Outpost and Critical Care. He has been used as a guest speaker on Men’s Health in several college classrooms and in many more venues on any topic related to Fathering.